I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
