omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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