I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
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Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
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Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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