you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
