This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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