We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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