areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
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