ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize