??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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