I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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