you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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