got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
