Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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