I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
