fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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