he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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