I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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