FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
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Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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