Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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