matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
