Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
