Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just googled if crying burns calories
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
