She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Randomize
