I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
