I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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