I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
