Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
