The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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