I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I am naked and annoyed.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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