why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
