I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
