So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
