I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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