life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
