Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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