So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
