Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
this boner is exhausting
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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