I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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