If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
