I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
