He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.