pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.