With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.