Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges