yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
