Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?