did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
