did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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