evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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