I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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