My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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