Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
