I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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