Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
