I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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