he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
