he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
