Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
