Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
