Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
