Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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