Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
