real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
