I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
