My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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