I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
