That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I am spending my child support on dildos
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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