The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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