maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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