This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
