All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
