Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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