did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
